WELL...I was complaining earlier today and had a mini-start-of-a-meltdown.
WHY? I had been setting myself up mentally for some brain dead time. I wanted to just sit and think about and do NOTHING. It was the plan since December, when this no work thing became a path we were going down. I had 1 day. I didn't get out of bed except for a few times last Tuesday. But every other day has been so full of doing this and that and trying to hurry to get things done.
Today I had to take the car in to get the air conditioning checked out. I planned a day with my mom and sister so we'd stay in Modesto until it was done, then we'd all be on our merry way. Well, the moment I got in my sister's car she asked 'where's your stuff?'. She was asking about some returns that I had at the mall - and out comes my mini-meltdown (because I feel unorganized, I can't remember things, I have so much going on and so much to do - poor me, poor be, blah, blah, blah).
I tried to not be a party pooper, even though there are things that I have to get done before tonight that are a bit time consuming. I was reminding myself that part of this 'no work' thing is to spend time with family - and that's just what I was going to do today.
Blah, blah, blah...we go to the mall and I see things I'd like to purchase. On a normal day, if I was still working, I would have given in and done a little shopping. Throw in a few things for Tyler and I won't feel so bad for spending what should be going in to our savings :)
Then I remember: 'on a normal day, if I was still working' first off - I'd be at work. Having the two incomes would allow for me to shop, but I wouldn't have or make the time to do it. It (the job and finances) has allowed us to do some traveling and daydream about splurging on even more traveling yet it did not allow for us to do most of the traveling we'd like to do, or be home enough to justify some of the purchases we'd like to make.
So, as I come home with 3 $5 items and 1 free one (yay, bargain shopping!) I am content with the opportunity to be able to let go of the finances, the job and the stress and commitment that came along with it...AND will remind myself that I don't 'need' anymore clothes to feel like I'm wearing the pregnancy well.
I will enjoy this opportunity that the Lord has handed to me and feel blessed and loved with all that I have, and all I 'have to do'.
...and that's what's on my mind :)