...and another...

Had the HUGE blessing of my mom taking Em for a few hours on Thursday while I baked and put together Tyler's bday cake (pics to come as I'm in the midst now;0)

I love alone time...maybe a little too much.  I just love to be brain dead sometimes, but I also love the internet and the opportunity to be able to listen to different sermons.  One church that I watch online when I can is Elevation Church, which I shared from on Friday.  I heard of them through Lysa TerKeurst who attends there.

Every time I have gone to listen, it's been UH-mazing.  Totally what I didn't realize that I needed to hear.  Love how the Lord does that.

Anyhow, the video I wanted to share is part 2 of the one I posted Friday.

Listen all the way through, even if you're thinking, 'this doesn't apply to me'...because, I'm sure you'll eventually hear something that is JUST FOR YOU...like I did.  And if you know me and my life story, I'm sure you'll know exactly the words that I heard when I felt the blow to the gut not once, but twice ;0  FUN.  but. AMAZING.

Thank you, Lord, for your Word!

CLICK HERE.

Video for Ya

Oh me, oh my....what a wonderful word that is delivered here through Holly Furtick at Elevation Church.

Don't want to ramble too much so that you can use whatever time you have here today to watch!  Praying it really speaks to you the way it did me ;0

CLICK HERE

Joy

Not sure if you've heard of the book, One Thousand Gifts.  I have definitely seen it (I remember the cover) at Target, most likely;0, but I've been told I need to read all the books I have before I buy anymore  so the challenge is on!

Back to this book ;0

I was invited to attend a Wives Club last week, (which was AMAZING and hope to be able to go again!) and they were discussing the Joy Dare, which sounded intriguing...so I came home and googled it ;)  What an amazing thing!  It's based on the book, One Thousand Gifts.  The author has created a website dedicated to helping you find joy in one THOUSAND things throughout the year.  While it may be April, that's still a whole lot more intentional joy finding than if you hadn't done it all!  Check out the website here (aholyexperience.com).

Had to share!  In the midst of life's craziness, we can all use a little focus on things that are positive; reminding us of things that bring us joy and that we're grateful for.  Enjoy!  And let me know if you do it ;0

Devo

This is something the Lord has continually put in my readings and in my path over the past month or so.  Of course, wanted to share incase you needed a reminder that it is He you hear a-knockin' ;0

Happy Friday all!!

April 13, 2012 Interrupt Me Luann Prater

"I was a stranger and you invited me in ..." Matthew 25:35 (NIV 1984)
After five years of living in our house, my husband finally agreed we needed curtains on the windows. Not to block the view, but to enhance it. (That is a breakthrough, right there.)
Deciding on just the right thing, at just the right sale price, was a challenge. In the span of a week I put up rods, ironed drapes, switched them out and took them down. The gals in the drapery department at the local store knew me by my first name.
The last place I planned to be was at the mall, exchanging curtains, on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. But there I was, ringing out at the register.
And there she was, Vivian. She breathlessly approached the counter asking to use the phone. It seemed this young girl had been dropped off to go to work and discovered she wasn't scheduled. She needed to find someone to pick her up.
That's when I felt a familiar knock on my heart. Actually, it was pounding pretty good. I knew when I felt that it meant God had an interruption planned.
"Do you need a ride?" I asked. All activity stopped. She looked at me quizzically. The cashier waited to see what would happen next. Vivian cocked her head to the side in disbelief and replied, "Uh, yes."
"I'm leaving; I'll take you," came out of my mouth.
Can I just say that was not on my agenda? My list was probably like yours, a mile long with things that needed to be done before the end of the day. But the truths of Matthew 25 resonated within me. I knew God asked me to be on the lookout for strangers to invite in: into my home, into my church and it appeared, into my routine.
I discovered a little bit about my new friend during our ride. She has seven siblings. Because of her mom's drug abuse, five were adopted out of the family six years ago, leaving just her and her brother. No one wants 13 and 14 year olds she explained. Her decisions thereafter took her down some wrong roads.
We talked about church and she said she'd been a few times, but didn't go now.
"Vivian, God put us together on purpose today. He has a plan for your life. You didn't expect to run into me and I didn't expect to run into you, yet here we are. Unusual, don't you think?"
She agreed. "Yes. In today's world, no one takes a chance on anyone. I couldn't believe you offered me a ride."
I asked about her past and her hopes for the future. In twenty minutes we bonded. "Are you working Sunday?" I asked.
"No, I'm off," she replied.
"I'll pick you up for church if you want to go with us." She said she thought that would be great!
I got out of the car and wrapped her in a hug. Then I prayed over her as we stood amazed at how quickly we'd connected.
Looking back, I'm thankful for interruptions; some of the most memorable moments have been unexpected. God wants to interrupt us for His purposes, inviting Him and others into our lives in unexpected ways.
Dear Lord, please open my heart, my eyes, and my routine to Your divine interruptions. May it be said of me, I'm a woman who invited You in. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Related Resources:
Visit Luann's blog and listen to her Encouragement Café radio show for loads of fun and spiritual application for real life!
Will you pray about inviting a Compassion International child into your heart?
Reflect and Respond:
"The ultimate rich man, Jesus Christ, became poor for you. That means that we ought to be deeply involved in the lives of broken people in this city. And it means not just giving your charity, giving your money, though that's very important. But it means giving your time, giving your relationship ..." ~Tim Keller
Look for ways God is interrupting you today. Who can you 'invite in'?
Power Verses:
Proverbs 16:9, "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." (ESV)
Matthew 25:35-40, "For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.'  Then the righteous will answer him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?' And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.'" (ESV)

Waiting on God for Maximum Effectiveness

• Debbie Przybylski, Intercessors Arise
• Tuesday, March 06, 2012

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"We experience the adventure of intercession to the degree we have learned to wait on God. Everything about our human nature rebels against waiting. To those of us who were born in 'overdrive', waiting is not our favorite pastime. However, we discover that waiting on God in humility and faith because of who He is, and obeying His signals according to His timetable, are really where the exciting action is." Joy Dawson

How many of us rush around and have not learned the secret of waiting on God. In order to move with God's direction in the end times, we must learn this secret. The truth is that it is in waiting that we will accomplish the most for God. It is in waiting that He will give us His secrets to kingdom living. It is in waiting that we will live as overcomers and walk in joy, peace and contentment. How much time is wasted when we run down the wrong road?

Waiting on God in prayer brings forth his maximum purposes.

I am a very active person and over the last several God has taught me and my husband to wait on Him. All the world was rushing around us but He stopped us and disciplined us into waiting on Him. And now is waiting is often the place of joy because that is where God tells us His secrets. Many of you are learning the same lesson.

Waiting is going to be the key to our effectiveness. God is not looking for soulish activity. Anyone can do that. God is looking for those who can wait and let the flesh die so that the spirit can truly live for His purposes.

It is in waiting that the very highest direction for our life can come forth on a daily basis. What may look like a loss of time is really only time multiplied on our behalf. God is able to do things with a lot more efficiency than we are. The unnecessary falls to the ground and the very purposes and wisdom of God come forth in purity, holiness and power. "My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him (Psalm 62:5).

"Waiting is a discipline that has tremendous rewards. And yet vast numbers of Christians, including many who pray for others, seldom, if ever make it a way of life." 

What are you waiting for today in prayer? Don't give up. Make it a way of life. It is in waiting that we make room for God.

"The tests of our willingness to wait patiently for the Lord come almost daily for most of us.Waiting requires patience -- a willingness calmly to accept what we have or have not, where we are or where we wish we were, whomever we live or work with. To want what we don't have is impatience and mistrust of God. A spirit of resistance cannot wait on God. It is this spirit which is the reason for some of our greatest sufferings. It is here and now that we must win our victories or suffer defeats. Spiritual victories are won in the quiet acceptance of ordinary events, which are Gods 'bright servants' standing all around it. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands. Can I not then wait patiently? He will show me the way." Elisabeth Elliott

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ... I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry” (Psalm 27:14, 40:1).

Together in the Harvest,

Debbie Przybylski

Intercessors Arise International

deb@intercessorsarise.org

http://www.intercessorsarise.org

got this link from a crosswalk email this morning.  Praying we all remember to have a little patience as we wait on the Lord's PERFECT timing on whatever we're waiting for!  Have a good week ;0

Go Get It!

New Music From Mary Mary – “Go Get It” « CBS Atlanta

I HEART Mary Mary!  They have a great new song they just released.  Click on the above link, then click to listen.  ENJOY!

When You Feel Like Giving Up: Simple Steps to Avoiding Burnout

• Cindi McMenamin, Author
• Tuesday, March 06, 2012

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Are you struggling with motivation? Is it taking all you’ve got to just face what’s on your to-do list?

I remember waking up one morning and thinking “I don’t feel like getting out of bed.  I don’t feel like doing all that I have to do today. I feel like I’m running on empty.”

It was then that I knew burnout had hit me square between the eyes. I’d lost my fire, my fervor, my fuel.

I’d written books on letting God meet your emotional needs, yet emotionally I was feeling empty. I wrote about how God strengthens us through our alone times but I was feeling weakened.  I’d written a book on how to truly rest and I was feeling more overwhelmed than ever. And a year earlier I’d written a book on discovering and living out your dream and yet I was struggling with a lack of motivation.

What was wrong with me? Why was I feeling so complacent? Why did I have no motivation to continue forward?

I met with a doctor-friend of mine and his wife over lunch one day and talked about it.

 “Burnout manifests itself in a certain activity you’re doing to the point that you’ve emptied the battery out,” said Dr. Jeff Birchall, who at that time was seeing a new person dealing with some sort of exhaustion, anxiety or depression every day…and following  up with about four every day.

Dr. Birchall said 50 percent of the population suffer from burnout at some point in their life, 10 percent at any given moment .

The symptoms of burnout? They sound a lot like the symptoms of running on empty:  chronic fatigue  (exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically run down)

• difficulty sleeping (waking in the middle of the night and finding yourself unable to return to sleep)
• decreased concentration (can’t finish things)
• anger at those making demands
• self-criticism for putting up with the demands
• cynicism, negativity, and irritability
• a sense of being besieged
• exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things
• frequent headaches and stomach aches
• changes in appetite resulting in weight loss or gain
• shortness of breath
• increased irritability (men tend to get angry more; women tend to cry more)
• social withdrawal
• depression
• feelings of helplessness

Maybe you can relate to some of those symptoms.  Burnout can sometimes look like depression. Sometimes like anxiety. Some of us feel just a hint of it, like we’re getting our toes wet…others of us are drowning in it. 

 I knew I wasn’t in a state of depression.  I wasn’t suffering from anxiety. But I was tired, overwhelmed and frustrated. The fire of my relationship with God that once burned brightly now seemed to be barely flickering. The juices had dried up. The motivation was lost. I was running on empty.

My friend says some cases of burnout or exhaustion require medication. Some require counseling. And mostly all of the cases require a change of environment to get the balance they need in their life. That one was mine. I needed the balance. Too much striving, not enough trusting. Too much work, not enough rest. Too much expenditure, not enough filling. It was time for something to change.

So I went to the Psalms – Scripture’s songs of human emotion – and related to the songwriters. They, too, experienced seasons of weariness and emptiness. They too cried out for help. And I began to notice a link between their cries for help while flat on their faces, and their ability to get back up on their feet again. What I saw in there, as that link, was a shift in focus (following times of prayer and praise) and a sense of determination.

The Psalmists often sang – in their songs of frustration and desperation – the words “I will” when it came to getting out of their slump.

When Asaph was disillusioned with the way life was going, he said “I will meditate on all Thy works…I will remember your deeds.” (Psalm 77:12).

David, in asking God to consider his sighing and hear his cries for help, said “I will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down” (Psalm 5:7). And when he felt like he was being defeated, he said “I will know that God is for me…I will not be afraid” (Psalm 56:9-11).

The Psalmists didn’t say “I think” or “I feel” or “I should.” It was “I will” – a sense of determination – a determined course of action. In all 150 Psalms in the Bible, the phrase “I will” is sung at least 140 times. That told me something. It made me realize that – whether I feel empty or not, whether I am motivated or not  – I need to do something to allow God to infuse that energy into my life again. I needed to take whatever action would put me in the place where God could relight the fire in me and re-ignite the passion that once burned brightly. But I couldn’t wait until I felt like doing something, because the feeling might never come.

So I began to follow a course of action – a series of “I will” statements -- to keep focused (in my mind), keep fit (in my body) and keep fresh (in my soul).

• I began to say “I will start my day in prayer” and “I will get into God’s Word” so I could stay focused in my mind.
• I began to say “I will eat sensibly today” and  “I will take opportunities to exercise” so I could keep fit in my body. 
• And  I began to say “I will” appreciate what God has made,” “I  will take time to reflect and worship” in order to keep my soul fresh.

As  I began saying  “I will” about the things I didn’t feel like doing, God met me where I was and infused that fuel back into my life.

So what do you need to say “I will” about today?

“I will tackle this to do list with enthusiasm”?

” I will prioritize my family today”?

“I will live in a way that honors my God”?

“I will do all that is required of me to the best of my ability”?

 Say those two words “I will” and see what you end up accomplishing today.

For more on keeping your body, mind and soul refreshed, see Cindi McMenamin’s book When You’re Running on Empty and save yourself from impending burnout. Cindi is a pastor’s wife, mother, national speaker and the author of several more books including When Women Walk Alone, When Women Long for Rest and Women on the Edge.  For more on her books, free resources and ministry helps, see her website:  www.strengthforthesoul.com.

you can find the article here.  I have finished 1 book of Cindi's in the last couple of weeks, and am reading another.  She's really ministered to me heart!  Had to share.  Hope you enjoyed!

Loving Actions

Thought I would share this email that I got today....my thoughts below....

	Loving Actions Thursday, February 16, 2012
	Honoring Your Wife... Let your wife teach you how you can best meet her needs during a crisis or   when she's discouraged and losing energy. - From "It Takes Two to Tango" by Gary and Norma Smalley All excerpts from "It Takes Two to Tango" are copyright 1997 Gary and Norma Smalley, and are used with permission. Find more relationship resources from Gary and Norma Smalley

I found this very interesting today.  To be real with you (whomever is reading;0) today I had a

difficult day.  And kinda for no reason.  Both Em and I slept through the night (between the two of us,

there are about 2 hours I'm up in the early squirrrely hours of the morning lately).  But praise the Lord, Wednesday night was not one of those.  I got up early and got ready for a fun day in Oakland visiting a friend and I was off for my day...

I had tried to reach Tyler a few times throughout the morning and was unsuccessful.  I stopped by the office on my way out of town and the office was like a ghost town...then about Manteca, Emma throws up and SECONDS later, I'm stuck in traffic (that I had to sit through until the next exit).  It took me a little over an hour to get home.  In the meanwhile I've texted Tyler (bad me, I know, but traffic was stop and go, and I did it during a stop;0)...and didn't hear back from him that whole hour.  

Got home, cleaned up Em, the car, the car seat, tried to put her back down for a nap (she usually sleeps about 2 hours, so there was potential for another hour) and I just started to feel lonely and desperate.  Like Tyler's my safety and he wasn't around to rescue me or something...and I found myself saying that I just wished he'd walk through the door, hug me and rescue me from my day.

My day.  That really wasn't bad at all, but for some reason, I just felt like I needed rescuing.  

Maybe I needed assurance from Tyler that Em was OK?  Who knows. 

What I do know is that whenever I'm feeling blah, I've heard Tyler say he just doesn't know what to do or say to make things better.  And up until last night (I started writing last night but then it was bedtime:0) I had never been able to give him a response.  For some reason, this email coming through and my experience was like, "Oh, I guess that is what I need/want when in crisis, discouraged, losing it (or energy;0)".

Anyway...that's a little bit about me and my crazies.  Have you ever thought about what you need during these times?  I would encourage you to figure it out and share with your spouse.  Being able to communicate that to him last night already made me feel better.  Now I will just pray he remembers the convo for when my next time of need comes about.

PUTTING SELF ON THE SHELF - WHEN MARRIAGE ISN'T ALL ABOUT ME

Oh heavens.  Don't you love when your prayer is, "Lord, can you just tell me what to do here...show me why I'm having these feelings so I can quit looking to someone else for xxx..." AND THEN...
you go to your email, read a perfectly fitting devotional, click on a link that leads to the, "You asked for it; here's your answer"....Thank you?!

:)

As always, when something hits home or is helpful to me, I can't keep it to myself ;)  Hope this helps someone else out today too (and yet again, you know how you can pray for me).

I remember the day marriage finally made sense to me. I was flying to a speaking engagement and complaining to God in prayer.

God, you knew what I was like and what I would need in a husband. So are You sure You knew what You were doing when You led me to Hugh?

I was convinced God brought the two of us together. I knew He was in it from the day I met Hugh. But certainly God knew that my husband would not be one to express himself verbally in the way I was expecting. Certainly God knew that I would many times need more, emotionally, than my husband appeared able to give. So why did God let it happen? And why wasn't He transforming my husband so he would be the kind of man to meet my needs and expectations?

It was then as if God had pulled me aside and whispered something profound to me: "Perhaps I was looking at what he needed."

According to the Bible, man was created in the image of God. And woman was created to be man's helper. Woman was created so man would be complete. God didn't create Adam so Eve could be romanced. To the contrary, He created Eve so Adam would have a helper...one suited for him in every way
(Genesis 2:18).

In other words, it wasn't all about me. Ouch!

I'm embarrassed to say that for the first 15 or so years of our marriage, I never really thought too much about what my husband needed in a wife...but I thought quite a bit about what I needed in a husband and how he was falling short of my expectations. I hadn't put my own feelings aside long enough to say "God, show me why you brought me into this man's life and how I can truly help him be all that You created him to be." I hadn't put myself on the shelf long enough to see the bigger, more beautiful picture of what God has in mind when He brings two people, who are very different from each other, together to form a union.

It's tough to leave self on the shelf. Self wants to rule. Self wants its own way. Self suffocates. And self destroys.

The Bible shows us what the opposite of self looks like when it describes love, which is self-less:

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails! (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, CEV)

Sometimes our marriage looks the opposite of the biblical description of love. We can be unkind, impatient, jealous, boastful, proud and even rude! There are times we are quick-tempered with each other. And God knows there are times we keep records of the wrongs we do to each other. But recognizing what we don't want our relationship to look like is one of the first steps to walking together toward a newer, fresher, lovelier one.

When I got home from that speaking engagement, I had a new perspective on my marriage. Instead of praying for my husband to meet my needs, I began to ask God to show me how I could meet my husband's. Instead of looking at his short-comings, I began to ask God to expose to me my own. Instead of focusing on my desires, I began to pray about how I could meet his. And it not only gave me grace to extend to his weaknesses (as I became more aware of my own) but it changed my heart. And our marriage. continue reading here (and you should, the entire article is just great - and so many more on the site!)

Tuesday, 1/17 - Lysa TerKeurst

Thank you Lysa...Amen! ;0

A Letter to Husbands

Dear Husbands,

An ordinary Tuesday might seem like a strange day to think of something special to do for your wife.  But this ordinary day really is the perfect day because you’re not supposed to do anything today. And that simple fact alone will capture your wife’s heart.

I know women sometimes seem complicated and overly sensitive at times. But really we’re not. We just want to be thought of in a way that makes us feel special.

One kind act by you can cover a multitude of everyday stresses.

I’m serious.

Now before you head off to Victoria and her store of secrets… that’s not it. Her secrets are scratchy and too small in areas we feel are too big. We’ll save that for another ordinary Tuesday when I write a note to wives.

The special thing I’m talking about doesn’t have to take a lot of time or cost money. It just has to say you thought of her… you paused to notice her… she’s special to you.

Maybe tuck a little note in her purse that simply says some version of that last sentence.

Or, write the word “Perfect” on a piece of paper and tape it over the numbers on her scale.

Or, finally get around to doing that avoided item on the honey-do list.

Or, send her a text message telling her three things you think she does better than any other person you know.

The possibilities are endless.

But the point is this… One simple dandelion on a no-name day means more to your wife than a dozen roses on a Hallmark holiday.  

The heart of a woman longs to be thought of, adored, and noticed. Not because you’re obligated to do so because a date on the calendar demands it, but rather just because you love her. Don’t let today slip by.

It’s the perfect day to give her what she can’t get from any other person – the love of her husband.

“Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church- a love marked by giving, not getting.  Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her…”  Eph. 5:25-27 (MSG).

Lysa

LINK TO LYSA'S SITE HERE

Exhaling...

Hello!  I know some of you are looking for pics from our trip, and they are coming!  It's taken me a bit to get them all uploaded.  Next step is to begin to insert them in to the post, and getting them all organized in posts.  So I will not bombard you with a million pics.  That would actually cause me to be silent for a while then because I don't think we've taken any pics since we've been back :0

There has been so much going on in me and I've been, of course, wanting to share each part of it.  This morning I have a little extra time (I think;0) before Emma wakes up, so thought I'd hop on in hopes to get this thought out!

The Lord has just been so 'loud and clear' to me lately, and I love it.  So much affirmation and confirmation that I didn't realize I was in need of.  So much so, that I pray I do not jump around too much and ramble and just focus on this am's powerful words!

The devotional I'm reading is The Message//Remix: Solo.  It has a daily 'expanded passage' to assist in putting the verses in context, and I read them out of my NIV.  Today's EP: Isaiah 48-50, and verses focused on were 49:13-18 (in case you'd like to read for yourself;0).

Of that passage, it focused on being forgotten - thinking back to times when you were intentionally  or unintentionally (like when you were little and your mom was caught up shopping at the mall) forgotten.  Man did it bring a ton of thoughts to my mind of times I've recently felt forgotten...and by 'recently', I am referring to the past few years of life.

• before children: when friends were having kids and invites/calls/emails/time together went a way
• leaving work: waiting to get calls/texts/emails from 'friends' and co-workers.  hoping to just hear them say they were thinking of me
• reaching out: 'trying' to get together with friends, but it never working out, no responses from texts/emails/calls

(see...this girl has a ton she's trying to work out!)

Intentional or unintentional?  Who knows.  I am such an over-processer.  I've spent so much time pondering each and have yet to come up with any answers (duh, did I really think I could figure it out?!).  The Lord has been giving me opportunities lately to show me more about myself through these types of things.  This morning, He just gave me so much peace and wrapped it all up for me with this devo.  The Lord will never forget us.

"Look, I've written your names on the backs of my hands."
Isaiah 49:16

He loves us more than any love we can seek from any human being on this earth.  And why shouldn't he?  He created us.  He knew every fiber about us before we were conceived.  He has chosen us and labeled us as His children.  He has glorious plans for us, as we walk as His disciples on this earth; better than we could have ever possibly fathomed for ourselves.  He's with us no matter where we are.  And my current go to verse:

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.

When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down

When you’re between a rock and a hard place
it won’t be a dead end –

Because I am God, your personal God

            Isaiah 43:2,3 (MSG)

I have had the opportunity to catch up with friends and family lately that are in my same boats of things we are going through. Thought that, if this was such an encouragement to me this morning, it just may make someone else smile too...and relax in the loving arms of the Lord ;0

2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem

2011 Lesson #2 : Don’t Carpe Diem

This was a must share. Click link above, or read below. I didn't write it (obviously), but, I definitely gave this sister an 'Amen'! ;0

Every time I’m out with my kids – this seems to happen:

An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, “Oh- Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast.”

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard.These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!” - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I’m not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: “Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast.”

At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feather stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn’t find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, “Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you.”

That’s not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, “No. but I lovehaving written.” What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, “Are you sure? Are you sure you don’t mean you love having parented?”

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.

Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I’m being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times – G, if you can’t handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?

That one always stings, and I don’t think it’s quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right…in her own way…and she happens to be honest.

Craig is a software salesman. It’s a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don’t ever feel the need to suggest that he’s not doing it right, or that he’s negative for noticing that it’s hard, or that maybe he shouldn’t even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he’s ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: “This career stuff…it goes by so fast…ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!”

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn’t enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn’tin parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn’t MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I’d wake up and the kids would be gone, and I’d be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:

“It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.”And hopefully, every once in a while, I’ll add- “Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up- I’ll have them bring your groceries out.”

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn’t work for me. I can’t even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here’s what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I’m doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can’t hear her because all I can think is – This is the first time I’ve really seen Tish all day, and my God – she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I’m stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I’m haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I’m transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I’ll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world’s mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don’t remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.