Many of you know this but I'm a ridiculous planner. Truth be told, I think it's driven Tyler a bit nuts these past few years that our lives have merged. I had such a rigid schedule for absolutely everything: what night of the week I watched a movie, when I paid bills, when the bills were sent off, what nights I would call friends to catch up, when my 'free' nights were to make plans with someone. Seriously - from the random to the extreme; if it were something to do, it was planned.
After life started happening, or shall I say, God started to take over (wish I could say I asked Him to, but sadly I wasn't asking Him, so He just did it himself without waiting on me, bless His little heart!), I could no longer 'plan' out each detail of my life. I couldn't even make a list of to-dos or organize my week. I was a complete scatter brain. I got this bad after my dad passed away. I used to cry because I felt like I just had no control over my life...and boy was I right! This was also the point of my life when I realized I have no control over my life, it's all in God's hands...and I was finally at the point where I quit resisting and controlling and gave it all up.
Back to planning. I had every stage of my life planned out. I wanted to get married after I was 21 (check) get pregnant when I was 28 (ok...I'll wait), I had a 5 year plan at work (we all know how that ended, right?), and on and on. No where in my plan did I ever have a divorce, losing my dad, a miscarriage, or a struggle with God's timing when it came to having children. My plan 'A' so did not work out...and I am so eternally grateful for that! God's plan 'A' has been so much better, and I feel like it's just at the beginning of it! I think he let me do my own thing through my 20s, so that I could spend the rest of my life realizing His plans are so much greater! I think when I was trying to live out my 'A', it was my molding and 'learn from all these mistakes' time. "...Many of us make the mistake of forgetting that Jesus promises to produce maturity, righteousness, and love by letting us go through trials."
I know many of you know the 'planner' side of me, which still exists, don't get me wrong!! This is why you absolutely cannot believe that we did not find out the sex of the baby. Tyler being my opposite, and resting in God, I have given some of the crazy planning up :) Man has it been nice, too!! So much less stress. I do still plan out my days and weeks, so I can be sure to get things done...and it also helps me feel productive (I heart seeing my items crossed off!!). But I've also realized that I have to allow for God's 'inserted' items in my days that I don't always 'plan on'...and just that things don't always go as planned.
OK so those are lots of thoughts and background to swallow :) Thank you for letting me share this since I no longer have an outlet to 'talk' and think out loud each day!!