October 26, 2011 By 3 Comments
Being a woman is hard.
Often times I feel self doubt creeping in and feelings of inadequacy trying to take over.
As women, we are born into this world with so many talents and gifts, but over time it can be easy to loose sight of our strengths.
We are nurturers. But do we get so busy nurturing other’s, that we don’t take care of ourselves?
We are kind to others, but are we cruel to ourselves?
We are team oriented and need friends and support. But, we can be so concerned with being a team player that we don’t take credit for the great things that we do.
We can be quick to give other people the benefit of the doubt, but that can mean we don’t stand up for ourselves because we want to avoid confrontation.
It is not always this way for us. Good research shows that young girls are assertive and confident. Until they hit about 8th grade. Then, , T.V, and media, pressure them to look and act a certain way, and they loose track of who they are what they want.
It doesn’t end with junior high. As mothers and grown women the pressures and stigmas don’t go away.
The inadequacy and confusion hit me full force after having our second child. I didn’t know who I was. I felt lost. All of a sudden I didn’t have an opinion. I didn’t feel like I could make decisions. It affected the simplest of jobs. I couldn’t even get dressed in the morning because I had no idea what looked good on me because I didn’t know who I was.
As women, we are smart, we are strong, and we are influential. There is not room to beat ourselves up because we aren’t good enough. Instead we need to celebrate how great we are.
- We need to start by taking credit for the good things that we do. No need for arrogance, just confidence. We are good wives and and good friends. We are working hard to do good things in our homes and in .
- We can’t put ourselves down. Reminding ourselves and others that we are not “skinny enough”, or our house isn’t “clean enough” will not make us skinny, or our homes cleaner. Self depreciation is destructive. Not to mention when our kids hear us say these things it affects them and their opinions about themselves and others. This goes for the way we talk about ourselves in front of our spouses also.
When my and I got married I received some GREAT advice. Our ecclesiastical leader told me that I didn’t need to constantly point out all my faults. He went on to say that most of the time our spouses don’t recognize the faults until we point them out. But, once we point them out, they have a hard time forgetting.
I think about this advice everyday. When I am about to point out something I don’t like about myself, I remember to keep my mouth shut. I don’t want to give my husband any ideas. :)
If you put yourself down, try an old trick….Put a rubber band around your wrist. Every time you think or say something bad about yourself, pull the rubber band and let it flick-you. It doesn’t feel good, you won’t like it, and you will see yourself cutting back on the “put-downs.”
- We always give others the benefit of the doubt, but not ourselves. ”She had a rough day”, why can’t we? We can be quick to accept others situations, why don’t we accept that we too have limitations and we are wonderful regardless. It is okay to not homeschool, bake bread, refinish furniture, be PTA President, raise 12 kids, and sew all our families clothes. It is okay. We are all different and we need to cut ourselves some slack. We need to stop comparing.
We all have internal gauges that tell us if we are doing what we should. We know when we need to do more, or less. Listening to this “voice” and not the “voice” of the world will help us ease up on ourselves and keep things in perspective.
- We can surround ourselves with the right support. We know who builds us up and who doesn’t. We can distance ourselves from those who don’t.
- We can find some time for ourselves. It is okay to cultivate our talents and gifts. We can pick one or two things that we want and like to do and make time for them.
- We can have an opinion and be confident enough to voice how we feel.
- We can recognize that life will be hard and frustrating at times. The joy comes in moments.
As women, it is our influence that is shaping the world. We are building and molding future generations. We are strengthening family units. There is nothing more important than that. We need to stop beating ourselves up for what we aren’t doing, and revel in the good things we are doing.
Do you struggle with feelings of inadequacy?
Let’s start a movement right here.
WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT YOURSELF?
WHAT ARE YOUR STRENGTHS, WHAT ARE YOU GOOD AT?
Shout it out, leave a comment and let us know.