Friday, July 20, 2012

What's the Word?!

Hey all!  How goes it? (As though this were a back and forth conversation;0)

We have missed you ;) and our blog.  Yes WE.  Emma LOVES to look at videos and pictures, and mama has not done much with them over the past few months.  Tyler likes to see our fun days on here too ;0  I try to get them uploaded and get excited to think I'll post some real quick, but then time runs out and here we are: two months later with not much to show for it :)  I miss comments and communicating over posts.

So many thoughts have gone through this brain in that time regarding our little family blog here.

When I was thinking of 'checking out' I was so IMMENSELY overwhelmed.  My priorities weren't in order.  Most importantly, due to the lack of brain function (from all the lovely sleep issues; both mine and Em's) it was difficult to start each day hearing from the Lord and dedicating each day to Him before getting moving.

I was struggling with the basics like: taking a shower (actually getting to shave a leg or maybe both AND washing my hair), doing things that brought me joy with ACTUAL joy, caring for Emma in a loving and patient way and being the supportive and helpful wife that Tyler needed me to be.

Through my struggles, I have learned so many lessons.  And I have gotten new desires.

There is one main reason to shut the blog down: time.

There are several reasons for wanting to continue sharing my/OUR real life with you (friends, family, peeps clicking through from blogs I leave comments on).  And, in Connie fashion, I'd like to be wordy and not brief what-so-ever in sharing what those reasons are. :0 (did you miss me?!)

1. Connie.  I am saddened that you will not be moving out to California....YET (you KNOW I'm praying!)  For the past 5 years, your blog has allowed me to feel 'right there' even though we're so far away.  When you were busy, I missed seeing the beautiful faces of our family; I missed hearing from your heart.  I missed you :)  YOU are reason ENOUGH for me to continue.  I want you to get to see Emma grow and keep up with our lives too!

2. Crystal.  I know you're crazy busy serving the Lord with all your heart, but when you do get a chance to hop on, I'd love for you to share in our lives too!

3. Creating memories.  I'm a memory junkie.  As you may remember, we lost about 95% of our pictures from Emma's first 10 months (and every other picture taken during that time frame).  In delayed reaction, I STARTED a baby book for Emma this year, and since I just started it, the fact that I had shared so many details of her life and milestones HERE, I was able to print them and tuck them inside her book (for the 'background' info she'll learn is her mama's trademark) - and use the brief basics to write up throughout the pages of her book.  I want to continue to share about our beautiful baby girl...and any other ways our family may continue to grow in the future ;0

4. Reality.  Sitting with a few fab cousins the other night and discussing the 'super mom facade' that's put on out there (replace mom with whatever you're stage of life is: wife, career mom, saym, homeschool teacher, etc) there's a huge front that many of us create whether we mean to or not.  By virtue of not talking about our rough days or bumps we experience along the way, we appear to have it all together.  For those of us (which is ALL of us, right?!) that are going through a rough sleep or discipline phase with a child, or huge lack of connection with hub,  (or again, fill in with you're own issue) I feel there's a lack of 'reality' out there on these endless blogs and websites (mostly...there are SOME being real out there ;0).  Not that  I look for answers (per say) to issues but just an 'I hear you sister' or sense of community in the sense of not feeling alone (aka: I'm NOT going crazy; I'm not the only one that gets these feelings). Those that are able to share how they made it through something, hey - go for it.  I want to be able to say, "things are great! and also, I was more than happy to have Emma spend the day with my mom because I just needed a break!" as well as, "I've been so tired that I've laxed a bit on discipline and now I'm paying for it" or "I JUST WANT SLEEP (8 hours of uninterrupted GOOD QUALITY sleep)" (which has been a request on repeat in our household for me over the past 3 months) or "I dislike that I say things to my hub that I have to apologize for".  I want to share my reality to be real with you and also to maybe help someone out there (by letting you know you are NOT going crazy - 2 Timothy 1:7) when they go through the same (or similar) thing.  

5. Encouragement.  My heart is always wanting to encourage, especially when I hear, read or watch some powerful words of the Lord.  I know that if it hits me in a good spot, it's bound to be a good hit on someone else too.  I also want to be able to share encouragement stemming from the realities that we live through.  Meaning: I'm not a writer, by all means.  I (many times) leave part of my thoughts in my mind and omit them from what actually gets out through my little fingers.  HOWEVER, if you can get the jest of what I'm trying to say, and it encourages you to hang on, do something, go somewhere, make you feel like you're NOT going crazy...whatever, HEY, that's all I want!  Again, in going through all these FUN experiences in mamahood, marriage, and just plain life, it's been nice to read about someone that has made it or that tries really hard and shares while they're trying to get through.  Things that I've needed encouragement with, I don't feel I was able to find much (online, in real life - outside of encouragement that comes from the Word...and not that it isn't enough!  But I think you know what I mean hear), so I just want to do my part!  I also want to encourage people to encourage others.

6. Reflection.  It's also a great opportunity for me to be able to go back and see what my thoughts or feelings are on something after getting to the other side :)  So I guess this point is mainly selfish ;0

SO...We're NOT quitting yet!  The reasons to continue far outweigh the reason to quit...and I'm not a quitter!  While I'm now feeling normal once again, and feel like things are much more balanced, I'm not sure how often I'll actually get to share our lives.

During our absence, here are a few of the things I learned and gained:
chill on the advanced scheduling. I've always been SUCH A PLANNER.  minute by minute.  I'm a list maker.  If you don't run it by me when I'm making my plans for the week, not sure I can handle changing things (Oh, I guess that means not so good with change too ;0).  HOWEVER.  I'm now (for the most part) kind of opposite: day by day.  Minute by minute.  I just got off the phone with a girlfriend that was afraid to not be able to tell me yesterday when she could get together this week, since she knows the planner me.  She was relieved when I said, "Hey call/text me tomorrow and give me a 30 min heads up (just enough time to pack up Em and go) and I'm there!"  This is all due to the Lord making changes in me, and it all happened through needing to just focus on our needs each day, minute of each day, etc. based on how much or little we'd slept; Tyler's crazy work schedule, my mom randomly popping in and taking emma for an hour or the day, etc.  AND IT'S BEEN A *HUGE* LOAD OFF let me tell you.  I still like plans.  I make my week's worth of menu planning on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I like to have goals for the week, and list out things to do during Emma's nap each day, but, I'm much more forgiving of myself when things don't get done, and I have fun when something unexpected comes up and I rearrange or squeeze it in.  It's been easier to enjoy my little Em and myself;0 this way.  I guess you can say I'm growing in to 'the Boyd way' (being spontaneous).  I think Tyler just may be appreciating this change;0

before you do; pray. With the goal of eliminating things out of our lives and simplifying over the past couple of months, I've seriously been afraid to add things back in.  That (the fear of going back to crazy) was God's way of making sure I pray before I move forward with something.  It's been such a relief.  I was getting lots of uneasy feelings up until the last couple of weeks.  Now I'm excited to see that the Lord is slowly allowing things back in.  So, we've tried to go out and be social again.  I'm THRILLED He said yes to joining a Bible Study (Beth Moore's James:Mercy Triumphs).  Man did I crazily pray over that one!  I WANT to do it so badly, but wanted to honor the Lord's direction if it was a 'not now'....I'd actually had about 3 different things in mind to study this summer and hadn't felt the Lord working any of those out, and this one came along and my heart jumped at the thought of the growth potential in me through the talented BM.  She makes me feel smart and like I really get what God's word says!.........anyhow... ;0

a cuddly, affectionate, beautiful little girl. We have had a ROUGH time with little Em.  She was fighting sleep, climbing out of her crib (in the middle of the night, which was new) waking throughout the night, sleeping too little at night and during naps, growing in her pushing boundaries ;0...etc.  YES lots of stuff was going on with her: she got her 4 eye teeth (1 after another, yet slightly overlapping), we transitioned her bed to a day bed (so we wouldn't worry about her hurting herself in the dark night), she had a new found freedom of roaming the house at night (but thankfully just comes to mama to put her back to bed ;0) her vocab is growing like crazy, awareness to new things, growth name it and we were going through it all at once.  Through this (mainly sleep was effected by everything) we started new nap and bedtime routines that give us (she and I, since Tyler's always had it at bedtime) bonding time together each day - now that we're not nursing; we used to just put her in bed and walk out for naps- she's become VERY affectionate, she likes to be held more (I know, could be bad, but I know it wont last long either), she likes to just sit in my arms more often and now lets me cuddle her in my arms whenever I want;0  This is also due to all the hours Tyler's been working, and the added time she and I are getting together with the 1 nap (vs 2) schedule.  MAN i love it ;0

FOR ALL THESE LESSONS: I am GRATEFUL.  Sure, it was a difficult period.  I thought I was going crazy; or close to getting there.  I doubted my ability to care for my child, my husband, let alone myself.  I felt like my life, as I knew it, was over.  I spent lots of time daydreaming of a getaway for me ONLY, just wanting to go somewhere I could sleep and just sit still and quiet and relax.

As much as I disliked hearing, 'it's just a phase' from 'experienced moms;0, I typed up a little sheet of encouragement for myself and put it on Emma's door to remind myself.  Funny thing is: the nap I put it up was the last time I suffered.  After that, I eased in to the fact that it was A phase.

However, now that we've got a NEW normal, and I'm (mostly) rested, I'm just that much more in love with my hub, my baby (whose almost TWO!) and life.  I'd go through those few months all over again to get these results.

Now that I've made 'me time' a priority, and gotten to read more (books, not online, still trying to limit my online time;0) and I have healed (from my divorce) in ways I didn't realize I was needing.  It's all absolutely made a difference in my marriage to Tyler.  

I'm hoping to share this new side of me with y'all and SOON!  AND pictures.  While I've been out of it so much and missing many photo opps, there have been some fun stuff I've snapped or gotten on video that I'd love to share.

I promise to share the good and bad  of all things Boyd here: pics, life struggles, lessons, you name it.

So that’s the scoop! Expect more silence as I work on posting some pictures, but don’t be afraid to ask a question or say hello! Thank you all for the support and encouragement. Much appreciated!

Until the next time...have a great day!  (and if you're having a bad one, let me know!  I'd love to hear about it and pray for you!)



In my newly perpetual state of emontionalness, this totally made me cry!!:) I am so glad to get to watch your sweet family and be a part of your lives from afar! Thanks for sharing your heart with me! I love you( and my bro and sweetest niece)

Aunt Nell said...

yeahhhhh!!!! \0/

So glad to hear you aren't leaving, but totally understood if you did. I, too, love to hear your realness. Makes me feel like I am getting to know YOU better! Even though I don't connect with all the mommy stuff, (though I understand alot from my years of baby sitting, teaching and spending the night with a lot of children....obviously not the same as having my own, I know...) I do connect with the lonliness or craziness you feel sometimes with the change in the career and being a stay at home wife n mom. I love seeing fotos of Em since I basically have been gone her whole life :/ Breaks my heart to not get to watch my nieces/nephew and cousins kids grow as well as connect with my relatives as well. So thank you for being one of the few who IS real and does her best to keep in contact with me. You have no idea how much you mean to me and have meant to me since the day I met you at the restaraunt for Fathers Day or a birthday?? We love you, Connie, and love to hear your heart and how God is working in you, Tyler and Ems life!!! Keep the posts coming!! Skype date needs to happen again soon!!! <3 you.