Mama & Papa Boyd

I don't know about you (all), but I really enjoy when the Lord offers the opportunity to see where we've been and where we are going.

In the last couple of days, I've realized the choices we've made that have really held us back from living the life we've been wanting to live.  Last night we had the opportunity to sit and talk about it all, so now here I am to share with you ;0

For as long as we can both remember, we've been dedicated to our work.  Spending so much time at the office, traveling, etc, we have really skimped on 'living' life by just doing things; going places, being social, being actively involved in not only other's lives, but really involved in our own lives as well.

Just recently, I had been thinking to myself that I've been off of work for two years, and still it doesn't feel like much had changed in that realm.  Feels like it's mostly just the three of us and we're pretty much always home.  Not that there's anything wrong with either of those two things; we've quite enjoyed our time together at home :) HOWEVER, towards the end of Tyler's crazy work hours, I was realizing: it hasn't just been this summer (with this project) or since October (with the CE project) or just the travel with JAMZ or just the side jobs...we'd been 'waiting' to DO life once things were done, but they continued to come to us one after the other.

I finally got to the point, about the first week of July that I wasn't going to wait for Tyler's schedule to allow for Emma and I to do things.  We'd been not planning things with others, or turning down invitations because we couldn't all attend.  Some of you may be thinking, WHY?!  I guess when there continued to be the it's (project/season/whatever was going on) 'almost' done season and hope for it being done...and in the mean while lots of time had gone by.  WELL, I finally accepted invites regardless and set out to DO things.  And it's been GREAT!

Then Tyler being done with working the 80 hour work week, we've continued rolling with it getting together with family, having people over (so we're not just vegging at home;0), going out to the mall and dinner last weekend for Emma's birthday and just this past weekend, going to the lake Saturday and the beach yesterday.

It feels like we're a a family unit, doing things together (okay...because we are;0) and it feels awesome!

Sad that it took us this long to get here, but grateful we're here none the less.  Now the challenge is to continue this pattern - and no, not crazy doing stuff day in and day out NEVER being home, just including int in to our weeks, ya know?  Our pact is that we speak up next time we see ourselves falling back in to the old rut.

We see ourselves turning another page in life and starting a whole new chapter.  We are refreshed.  We are enjoying right where the Lord has us at this moment.  It feels awesome.

Tyler's on (a well deserved) vaca this week, so hoping to have a chance to upload some pics and share them at some point!

What's the Word?!

Hey all!  How goes it? (As though this were a back and forth conversation;0)


We have missed you ;) and our blog.  Yes WE.  Emma LOVES to look at videos and pictures, and mama has not done much with them over the past few months.  Tyler likes to see our fun days on here too ;0  I try to get them uploaded and get excited to think I'll post some real quick, but then time runs out and here we are: two months later with not much to show for it :)  I miss comments and communicating over posts.


So many thoughts have gone through this brain in that time regarding our little family blog here.


When I was thinking of 'checking out' I was so IMMENSELY overwhelmed.  My priorities weren't in order.  Most importantly, due to the lack of brain function (from all the lovely sleep issues; both mine and Em's) it was difficult to start each day hearing from the Lord and dedicating each day to Him before getting moving.


I was struggling with the basics like: taking a shower (actually getting to shave a leg or maybe both AND washing my hair), doing things that brought me joy with ACTUAL joy, caring for Emma in a loving and patient way and being the supportive and helpful wife that Tyler needed me to be.


Through my struggles, I have learned so many lessons.  And I have gotten new desires.


There is one main reason to shut the blog down: time.


There are several reasons for wanting to continue sharing my/OUR real life with you (friends, family, peeps clicking through from blogs I leave comments on).  And, in Connie fashion, I'd like to be wordy and not brief what-so-ever in sharing what those reasons are. :0 (did you miss me?!)


1. Connie.  I am saddened that you will not be moving out to California....YET (you KNOW I'm praying!)  For the past 5 years, your blog has allowed me to feel 'right there' even though we're so far away.  When you were busy, I missed seeing the beautiful faces of our family; I missed hearing from your heart.  I missed you :)  YOU are reason ENOUGH for me to continue.  I want you to get to see Emma grow and keep up with our lives too!


2. Crystal.  I know you're crazy busy serving the Lord with all your heart, but when you do get a chance to hop on, I'd love for you to share in our lives too!


3. Creating memories.  I'm a memory junkie.  As you may remember, we lost about 95% of our pictures from Emma's first 10 months (and every other picture taken during that time frame).  In delayed reaction, I STARTED a baby book for Emma this year, and since I just started it, the fact that I had shared so many details of her life and milestones HERE, I was able to print them and tuck them inside her book (for the 'background' info she'll learn is her mama's trademark) - and use the brief basics to write up throughout the pages of her book.  I want to continue to share about our beautiful baby girl...and any other ways our family may continue to grow in the future ;0


4. Reality.  Sitting with a few fab cousins the other night and discussing the 'super mom facade' that's put on out there (replace mom with whatever you're stage of life is: wife, career mom, saym, homeschool teacher, etc) there's a huge front that many of us create whether we mean to or not.  By virtue of not talking about our rough days or bumps we experience along the way, we appear to have it all together.  For those of us (which is ALL of us, right?!) that are going through a rough sleep or discipline phase with a child, or huge lack of connection with hub,  (or again, fill in with you're own issue) I feel there's a lack of 'reality' out there on these endless blogs and websites (mostly...there are SOME being real out there ;0).  Not that  I look for answers (per say) to issues but just an 'I hear you sister' or sense of community in the sense of not feeling alone (aka: I'm NOT going crazy; I'm not the only one that gets these feelings). Those that are able to share how they made it through something, hey - go for it.  I want to be able to say, "things are great! and also, I was more than happy to have Emma spend the day with my mom because I just needed a break!" as well as, "I've been so tired that I've laxed a bit on discipline and now I'm paying for it" or "I JUST WANT SLEEP (8 hours of uninterrupted GOOD QUALITY sleep)" (which has been a request on repeat in our household for me over the past 3 months) or "I dislike that I say things to my hub that I have to apologize for".  I want to share my reality to be real with you and also to maybe help someone out there (by letting you know you are NOT going crazy - 2 Timothy 1:7) when they go through the same (or similar) thing.  


5. Encouragement.  My heart is always wanting to encourage, especially when I hear, read or watch some powerful words of the Lord.  I know that if it hits me in a good spot, it's bound to be a good hit on someone else too.  I also want to be able to share encouragement stemming from the realities that we live through.  Meaning: I'm not a writer, by all means.  I (many times) leave part of my thoughts in my mind and omit them from what actually gets out through my little fingers.  HOWEVER, if you can get the jest of what I'm trying to say, and it encourages you to hang on, do something, go somewhere, make you feel like you're NOT going crazy...whatever, HEY, that's all I want!  Again, in going through all these FUN experiences in mamahood, marriage, and just plain life, it's been nice to read about someone that has made it or that tries really hard and shares while they're trying to get through.  Things that I've needed encouragement with, I don't feel I was able to find much (online, in real life - outside of encouragement that comes from the Word...and not that it isn't enough!  But I think you know what I mean hear), so I just want to do my part!  I also want to encourage people to encourage others.


6. Reflection.  It's also a great opportunity for me to be able to go back and see what my thoughts or feelings are on something after getting to the other side :)  So I guess this point is mainly selfish ;0


SO...We're NOT quitting yet!  The reasons to continue far outweigh the reason to quit...and I'm not a quitter!  While I'm now feeling normal once again, and feel like things are much more balanced, I'm not sure how often I'll actually get to share our lives.


During our absence, here are a few of the things I learned and gained:
chill on the advanced scheduling. I've always been SUCH A PLANNER.  minute by minute.  I'm a list maker.  If you don't run it by me when I'm making my plans for the week, not sure I can handle changing things (Oh, I guess that means not so good with change too ;0).  HOWEVER.  I'm now (for the most part) kind of opposite: day by day.  Minute by minute.  I just got off the phone with a girlfriend that was afraid to not be able to tell me yesterday when she could get together this week, since she knows the planner me.  She was relieved when I said, "Hey call/text me tomorrow and give me a 30 min heads up (just enough time to pack up Em and go) and I'm there!"  This is all due to the Lord making changes in me, and it all happened through needing to just focus on our needs each day, minute of each day, etc. based on how much or little we'd slept; Tyler's crazy work schedule, my mom randomly popping in and taking emma for an hour or the day, etc.  AND IT'S BEEN A *HUGE* LOAD OFF let me tell you.  I still like plans.  I make my week's worth of menu planning on Tuesday or Wednesday.  I like to have goals for the week, and list out things to do during Emma's nap each day, but, I'm much more forgiving of myself when things don't get done, and I have fun when something unexpected comes up and I rearrange or squeeze it in.  It's been easier to enjoy my little Em and myself;0 this way.  I guess you can say I'm growing in to 'the Boyd way' (being spontaneous).  I think Tyler just may be appreciating this change;0


before you do; pray. With the goal of eliminating things out of our lives and simplifying over the past couple of months, I've seriously been afraid to add things back in.  That (the fear of going back to crazy) was God's way of making sure I pray before I move forward with something.  It's been such a relief.  I was getting lots of uneasy feelings up until the last couple of weeks.  Now I'm excited to see that the Lord is slowly allowing things back in.  So, we've tried to go out and be social again.  I'm THRILLED He said yes to joining a Bible Study (Beth Moore's James:Mercy Triumphs).  Man did I crazily pray over that one!  I WANT to do it so badly, but wanted to honor the Lord's direction if it was a 'not now'....I'd actually had about 3 different things in mind to study this summer and hadn't felt the Lord working any of those out, and this one came along and my heart jumped at the thought of the growth potential in me through the talented BM.  She makes me feel smart and like I really get what God's word says!.........anyhow... ;0


a cuddly, affectionate, beautiful little girl. We have had a ROUGH time with little Em.  She was fighting sleep, climbing out of her crib (in the middle of the night, which was new) waking throughout the night, sleeping too little at night and during naps, growing in her pushing boundaries ;0...etc.  YES lots of stuff was going on with her: she got her 4 eye teeth (1 after another, yet slightly overlapping), we transitioned her bed to a day bed (so we wouldn't worry about her hurting herself in the dark night), she had a new found freedom of roaming the house at night (but thankfully just comes to mama to put her back to bed ;0) her vocab is growing like crazy, awareness to new things, growth spurt...you name it and we were going through it all at once.  Through this (mainly sleep was effected by everything) we started new nap and bedtime routines that give us (she and I, since Tyler's always had it at bedtime) bonding time together each day - now that we're not nursing; we used to just put her in bed and walk out for naps- she's become VERY affectionate, she likes to be held more (I know, could be bad, but I know it wont last long either), she likes to just sit in my arms more often and now lets me cuddle her in my arms whenever I want;0  This is also due to all the hours Tyler's been working, and the added time she and I are getting together with the 1 nap (vs 2) schedule.  MAN i love it ;0


FOR ALL THESE LESSONS: I am GRATEFUL.  Sure, it was a difficult period.  I thought I was going crazy; or close to getting there.  I doubted my ability to care for my child, my husband, let alone myself.  I felt like my life, as I knew it, was over.  I spent lots of time daydreaming of a getaway for me ONLY, just wanting to go somewhere I could sleep and just sit still and quiet and relax.


As much as I disliked hearing, 'it's just a phase' from 'experienced moms;0, I typed up a little sheet of encouragement for myself and put it on Emma's door to remind myself.  Funny thing is: the nap I put it up was the last time I suffered.  After that, I eased in to the fact that it was A phase.


However, now that we've got a NEW normal, and I'm (mostly) rested, I'm just that much more in love with my hub, my baby (whose almost TWO!) and life.  I'd go through those few months all over again to get these results.


Now that I've made 'me time' a priority, and gotten to read more (books, not online, still trying to limit my online time;0) and I have healed (from my divorce) in ways I didn't realize I was needing.  It's all absolutely made a difference in my marriage to Tyler.  


I'm hoping to share this new side of me with y'all and SOON!  AND pictures.  While I've been out of it so much and missing many photo opps, there have been some fun stuff I've snapped or gotten on video that I'd love to share.


I promise to share the good and bad  of all things Boyd here: pics, life struggles, lessons, you name it.


So that’s the scoop! Expect more silence as I work on posting some pictures, but don’t be afraid to ask a question or say hello! Thank you all for the support and encouragement. Much appreciated!


Until the next time...have a great day!  (and if you're having a bad one, let me know!  I'd love to hear about it and pray for you!)

Checking in...to check out...

Well, hello.  Posting a brief message (yeah, right I'm not a brief kinda girl!) to say that things have been not just nutty like normal, or like I've been trying to play off, but they got pretty bad for me.  Feels like we've been in a whirlwind.  After having some peace and quiet once we were settled, we started to ramp up again with visits from family and before things could settle Emma dropped down from 2 naps to 1.

I tried very hard to be a champ and adjust gracefully.  Not make a big deal of the 'lost time'. Long story short I got to a point where I felt that not only could I not keep up, but I was unable to catch up at the rate I was going.  Wasn't sleeping well on top of that, and over the past 3-4 weeks, we've had 4 teeth s-l-o-w-l-y pop up which lead to some fun disciplining issues.

2 weeks ago, I hit my rock bottom.  Fun times. The great thing about that is that the Lord just started to speak to me (aka, I started to FINALLY listen) so loud and clear about all this stuff - it has just been amazing.

SO.  I realized that I was only putting the three of us 'first' in theory...or partially.  I was letting projects (for myself as well as others) take up my time and not being too much of the wife tyler needed, mom emma needed or self that i needed for that matter.

Last week was my detox.  Which I'm still going through.  I'm sensing probably a month at this phase.  Here's why.  I am putting US FIRST.  not doing anything for anyone else that takes up too much time, and that can't be done while emma's awake.  so that pretty much takes everything out ;0 Nap times are 'sacred' in the sense where it's all about getting things done.  Whatever things are NEEDED for us to function and at this point catching up on a lot that's been left behind.  Anything beyond that is secondary.

Computer time is super limited because it is a weakness of mine.  I can get so lost in the world of the internet.  I just don't have that time right now.  It's a 'focus' time right now.  On the Lord, on myself, then hub, babe and home.

Unfortunately, keeping everyone 'up to date' here doesn't fall in to the 'necessity for us' slot :)  ...and considering I'm 3 months behind (don't even have pics up on photobucket to even try to build a post from!...sigh...i really don't want to feel that pressure until I've got the important stuff under (God's) control.

That's where we/I've been.

I am reconsidering 'coming back'....my three little regulars: Y'all are moving HERE!  YAY!  don't need to let you know what's up with us when you're going to BE here with us.  OTHERS....some of you say you randomly check in, and it is nice to be able to see what's up with us - and I know there are lots of friends and family that are not local or even those that are that we don't see (sadly!) often....would anyone be super-de-duper sad if we didn't return?  Please let me know!  Not that you'll be able to pressure me back in to it ;0  I will take several things in to consideration to make that decision...just thought I'd get thoughts!

Alright.  That's about all the time I have for now - BATH TIME!  Until next time...

To nap or not to nap...THAT is the question

Let me introduce you to me right quick :)  I am very much schedule driven.  I thrive off of organization, time lines, to-do lists, etc.  When I read/heard about baby wise, I was in heaven!!  Having my baby on a schedule OF COURSE made THE MOST sense for me.  AND the fact that Em THRIVED (still does!) off of being on her schedule was music to my ears.  She needs her sleep, and that has been the most important part of keeping on schedule.

As I shared in a previous post, the thought of going on vaca and being in other's homes, with things being out of our control was a little scary for me.  I prayed about it A LOT.  Asked for A LOT of prayer.  I came to grips with the fact that, while I was gone, I needed to of course feel Emma out for her (sleep) needs, but mostly needed to be easy going about it.  If she was OK, let it slide, put her down when we got back home, were gonna be driving, or whatever the case may be.  THAT WAS HUGE for me :) But I was ready, and away we went!

Phase I started in Indiana, and thankfully did not last long ;0 BUT it was crazy while it was happening!

I think that with all the places we were going to, none of them familiar, Emma started to go through a little attachment/separation anxiety phase with Mama.  I was the only normal, regular, consistent thing in little Miss' life over that 25 day period.  Even Papa was in and out since he was working while in Florida, then had to come back home for a bit before joining us back out in Indiana.

She has been a pretty good sleeper, generally speaking, through her whole little life.  Once she goes down and passes out she's out for the scheduled time 1-2 hours, or at night 10-11 1/2 hours.  BUT in Florida, she started waking up 2-4 times a night, ending up nursing and falling asleep with me in bed (we have NOT been co-sleepers AT ALL - this was the closest to it we got) then I'd put her back down until the next time she woke up.  It made for a pretty zombiesk first week of vaca for mama :)  When Tyler got there, and I was so exhausted was contemplating calling the trip quits early, he had the great idea of sleeping in the living room to see if that helped.  Smart man ;0  Thankfully (VERY! - can't imagine missing the rest of the trip!) it worked.  But it made me feel so awful to take up MORE of Thomas' and Steph's space!

When we got to Indy, we were able to be in a room that had a wall where we could separate where we were sleeping vs. Em's sleep space.  SO that was not an issue there either.  HOWEVER...for some reason, our PHASE - Emma started not wanting to be put down for a nap - would scream her little heart out - and started to CLIMB OUT OF HER PACK AND PLAY!!!!!!!!!!  SCARY for me for many reasons, but mainly because of the very steep staircase that I very vividly imagined her tumbling down.

I became monitor obsessed, to say the least.  (thank you Matt for lovingly pointing it out ;0).  Not resting until I could hear her sleeping or snoring.

We thought that once we got home, and she was back in the 'norm': in her crib, her house, surrounded by her things she'd easily be pacified, no longer freaking out about being put down for a nap....and I was also looking forward to being back on a schedule!  Sigh.  A few days after returning home, it was my usual schedule, Tuesday morning Bible Study and my mom stays home with Em because she's got a nap in the middle of it ;)

Since things were not yet all good in the crib hood, I was continuing to be a monitor freak - BUT I was learning what kind of screams were the ones that lead to her attempting to climb out.  BUT - I kinda forgot to tell my mom which to watch out for and just to listen intently until she was sleeping (be monitor obsessed, ahem;0).  I think you see where this is going....

(here you can also see that in her frustration, she'd taken her socks and jammy bottoms off ;0)

Yeah, so I forget the whole story, but my mom was going to check on her and this is what she saw!

About 3 weeks after being home, she finally stopped trying to get out.  We tried to tell her to just say 'mama all done' when she wanted out ;)  which posed actual napping issues for a few days, but not too bad.

As far as being back on schedule, about mid January, she finally settled back in to a new schedule.  About 3 weeks ago (Yes early Feb - BEEN WORKING ON THIS POST FOR A COUPLE WEEKS) I finally started to feel normal myself getting things done, etc.  Like always, now that things are feeling 'good' PHASE II enters.

Phase II just came about this week, and today's the first official day (AGAIN, ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO NOW).  Emma is all of a sudden not fighting through the end of her 'awake' time, clearly showing signs she's ready to nap.  Usually if she didn't take her PM nap, it was discipline city with spankings left and right until bed time.  Yes, we spank.

At 2 days shy of 19 months, she's dropped from 2 to 1 nap a day.  Sigh.  My baby girl keeps growing up.  And my 'me time' keeps shrinking down ;0  Perfect timing as I have 3 invites I'm scheduled to design over the next month, and now have less time to spend on them.  Time for mama to find a new schedule for herself!  Yes, I would like some cheese with my glass of wine ;0  Good thing the Lord's weaned me from my naps over the past few weeks, now it's just a matter of finding the time to get things done when I already thought I didn't have enough time.  Suggestions?!

Oh happy day!

***TWO WEEKS LATER***
For about 2 weeks, she couldn't always make it until noonish to go down for her 1 nap a day, so it was rough sometimes going down for a nap between 10/11, sleeping for about 1.5 hours, then putting her down to nap around 3 ish, but she wouldn't actually sleep.  As of 3/14, we are back on a 'schedule' of going down for a nap between 12-1 and sleeping for 2 hours on average.

I was really sad about it.  Feeling like I had a huge loss of productivity time.  I prayed through it tremendously for the first week, and about mid last week I started to feel like it's OK.  I'm enjoying this much better.  Timing wise, I can take my time in the AM getting situated to run errands, which we can leave for about 10 and still make it home on time for nap without having a fit;0.  It's definitely been bittersweet BUT I'm loving this freedom and extra time with Em!  And the to-do list...well, there are definitely days when I don't get very far...but leaving it all up to the Lord.  Days like the last couple of days I'm more productive now than ever.  LOVE.

OK, enough about me!  Just wanted to share about Em, my learning through it (and yes, getting back on schedule), and for the few mamas out there that haven't walked before (since most everyone has)....

let the (hard core) praying commence

Hello all.  i come to the blog today with a humble and sadly anxious heart.  it starts today.  i'm trying so hard to not be anxious and follow the apparently clear message the Lord's shouting out to me through every way possible (church, both Bible study materials, devotionals)...

SURRENDER

Some of you have lent an ear (THANK YOU) to listen to how things have really gone down for Tyler and I over the past few months.  Some of you got our new years TCBY that just says it was not-so-great lately.  Well, if you're here, then you must love one of us (or all!) and so I will just let it out to let you better understand my surrender to the Lord. 

Life in the Boyd household has, of course, changed since the arrival of a little beauty named Emma.  The pressure of Tyler providing for us financially has increased, and the fact that his regular monthly salary doesn't cover all the bills has led us to taking on some side jobs.  and by us, I mean Tyler.  Not that I'm not willing.  We actually had decided last year about this time that we'd launch our business full-force working together on projects.  We like to work together and he can always clean up my projects nicely and I like to give my own tips/advice on his projects.  and by projects I refer to design things.  (Won't waste too many words on it, but if you're interested in seeing where we were trying to go, click here).  

In the last year, however, the Lord has continued to make it very clear to me that He does not want me to focus on absolutely anything other than: Him, Tyler, Emma, Home.  Every attempt at taking on a project (for me) has not ended well.  It's my season to not plan or prepare, but sit back and let others take the lead in doing things.  It took me a while to really really get this, but in November with my last attempt, it was like 'alright, I got it'.  

Mainly, it was Tyler.  Although we'd gone through a tough fall/winter last year with his travels required through work, we still felt that he should take up side jobs that seemed feasible (time-wise) that would assist in covering our finances.  He (more so) took on a client last April-August doing task after task.  and we're very grateful for the opportunity and cash it brought in.  however, it led to lots of lonely nights for Em and I.  Especially if Tyler had to work late at the office.  it really limited our time together, and he was just plain tired  after a day at the office and just the thought of tackling more computer/design/programming issues after dinner.  

We decided to be more deliberate in praying for the Lord's will in taking on jobs after that point.  We'd purposely planned September as an 'off' month so that we could enjoy that full month of family time before...October, when Tyler's travels would begin.  Well...another opportunity came along.  We did pray about it and did feel peace about it...but it has been much more time consuming, troublesome and exhausting than we could have ever imagined.  

It has basically ended up being as thought he's working 2 full time jobs.  As you can imagine, it's definitely effected our home and family life.  It's left us with 1-2 hours or so of 'family time' in the evenings where Tyler's zoned/exhausted and basically has a spurt of energy to play with em and veg before going back to staring at the computer for hours.  

I was wrestling with a lot of feelings about this.  I'd keep being surrounded by people that have spouses that travel or work 2 jobs or work random hours and they seemed to be such wonderfully supportive and appreciative wives that I would basically end up beating myself up about how 'poor me' I felt and would just try to talk myself out of my feelings.  It would work for a week, maybe, or a few days, but my weekly breakdowns were soon to be inevitable.  I began to take up things around the house that were typically Tyler things, not expecting any input or help from him on anything 'home'.  

I can already hear some of you saying 'well, yeah, if your man's working 2 jobs, suck it up and shut up.'  well, girls,  I've come to the place of realization that 1. we are not all created equal and 2. the Lord has given each of us (different) strengths.  I do SO INCREDIBLY much appreciate all the hard work my man has been putting in to provide for our family. and i do realize it has made it possible for me to stay at home with emma.  however...

after feeling like i didn't have a husband or house mate to share life with; feeling like i didn't have any support in any of my daily doings; feeling like a single mom with 2 to provide meals and a clean home for...then add a literal single-mom experience with our trip to florida and indiana (where Tyler was with us for 12 sporadic days out of 25)...it was just all that i could handle.  and i had a HUGE breakdown...with tyler.  i just couldn't hold it in anymore.  i was praying, but I think the Lord's intention was not for me to feel and be so alone in things.  It wasn't just home stuff...it was our marriage that was ultimately effected through this.  feeling alone was in everything.  we weren't putting any effort in to our marriage.  we were like house mates sharing a roof and that was about it.  it makes me so sad to even say that.  

THAT is the place neither of us EVER thought we'd be.  But we were.  and we were, because we were relying on our own strength to build our marriage, not the Lord's.  We were asking God for everything in every other area, but this one. the MAIN one.  And you know Satan's out to wreak havoc on marriages because he can do so much damage by just cracking that one area.  Booger. 

After our 'rock bottom' and realization that we needed to get back to the basics.  Basics of God.  Basics of marriage.  Loving and respecting one another.  if we cannot put our marriage in our #2 slot of priorities, how do we expect the things that aer stemming from there to be OK?!  ...and how easy is it to forget?

We've now had a month and a half to refocus our individual sets of eyes back on to the Lord...in ALL things.  focusing on our marriage and on each other.  I've been a much more appreciative and supportive wife this last month (thank you Jesus).  much MUCH more understanding.  The Lord has really opened my eyes to so much through this.  ...too much to continue rambling on about.  

...BACK TO THE SURRENDER... (sorry I'm such a rambler!)Through this all, I felt really hurt.  I put my everything in to Tyler and I felt hurt by him not keeping us a priority (not that i had either and i realize that now, mind you).  I had put up a wall and was keeping things at a distance so as to not, essentially, trust him again with all I'd trusted him with before...me.  In the last week, the Lord's reminded me that 

1. I need to keep my trust in the Lord.  he's got me in the palm of his hands. 
2. I need to put my husband in the palm of the lords hands as well (where the Lord keeps him) so that I can submit to my hubby and trust him to love me the way the Lord loves the church, and protect and care for.
3. I need to forgive my husband (which I whole-heartedly have)
4. I need to go back to #'s 1 and 2 above continually and allow the lord to guide us and take care of us through every step. 

I've been so anxious about this week that Tyler will be gone.  That it (all that's been restored) will go away.  that He will be so wrapped up in work that I'll get left behind in the dust.  I've been trying to find ways to be deliberate about things to stay connected and remind him we're here at home....then yesterday, listening to a song at church, it all finally sunk in...and here I am.  With this ginormo ramble and (more) background (than you ever wanted) asking for you to pray along side us for our surrender to the Lord...knowing He'll take care of everything. ...hope this all has made sense to someone!!;0

....I pray that whatever is your current hang up, that you'll surrender too...

THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS

***BTW: we have finally gotten it that the Lord doesn't want either one of us taking on 'extra' things during this season in life.  Once Tyler finalizes things with the current project (in about a month) we will be turning down any side work focusing only on his M-F, our family and just life.  He's very clearly shown us we do not need to take part in side stuff to make ends meet; He will meet all our ends as we honor His direction in our lives, with God's math...that we all ultimately know makes more sense in the end.***

Happy New Year!

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Did y'all enjoy the pre-scheduled month of posts?!  Em and I were gone from 12/3-12/28 (Tyler was back and forth during that time).  I got all weird about not posting anything and letting 'the world' know our house were solo...blahblahblah...so i decided to to the countdown.  Hope you enjoyed!

SO, I will share so much about my trip (because there's A LOT to share!) in the coming weeks - you know me, I'm slow at catching up, especially with so much to catch up on at home...and not necessarily having 2-2hour nap times to get it all done in (since Em's readjusting to a schedule).

Since there was so much to do to prep for the trip, I removed the pressure of sending out Christmas cards...and we did some (free-yay, Walgreen's!) New Year's ones (yep, the one above) that I hope to get out in the mail this week.

Happy Sunday, and Happy 2012!

Tyler, Connie & Emma

Ahhh...

Well, it's been quite a couple of months here.  There was some time of poor sleep, a struggle (that's still around) of adapting to our current season -which I can get in to below- and much more ground work being laid down in to this life o'mine.

YOU: wa?!

ME: It's been a tough couple of months!  As with most people, not sleeping well at night makes things tough during the day:)  Praise God I'm about a week and a half out of it, and as of yesterday, finally felt myself out of the 'haze'.

Yesterday, I felt like I 'woke up' and found myself as a mother of a barely walking toddler and thought, "Where did the last 14 and a half months go?!".  So maybe the haze has been a bit longer.  Kinda scary, huh?!  All of a sudden I'm the in-tune mama I've been trying to read  about (so I can find 'how to'!) trying to become.  So much for all that teaching time and special developmental time I've now bypassed in little Ms Em's life ;0...not too worried, she seems just fine.  ...all kidding and silliness aside tho, just being completely honest.

The struggle with adapting in this season is missing my husband.  He's here.  "Goes" to work about 6-7 days a week, then comes home and works some more.  Our choosing.  The Lord provided an opportunity for a huge blessing financially, and in turn, Tyler's committed to working his little tail off after putting in 40 office hours + 12 or so event hours a week.  Poor guy, I know.  But the Lord also tells me time and time again for me to quit trying to bring in additional income myself.  I need to focus on my family and home.  I struggle very much with this!  I get approached to do things often...even if they're mainly as favors/not paid...but it's becoming more and more clear to me that He does not want my attention to be split.  SO...Tyler to work it is.  And me to support/encourage him and step up in all things for hubby (to assist in any way I can)...is a struggle.  I think I'm mainly struggling with just missing him.  By that I mean, just getting that time to talk and spend real quality time with one another.  We've both been so exhausted that we're more like zombies once Emma goes to bed, and eventually I just fall asleep.  Prayerfully, tho, now that sleeps treating me well and I'm feeling like I'm in the game, I'm hoping to be more on it and be able to reconnect.

I knew this time was coming; this season for Tyler's always tough due to the extended work week/hours for these six months.  Quite honestly, I was dreading it.  All summer, I felt as tho the Lord was spoiling us (which was awesome;0).  I knew that this fall/winter, He was going to bring me to a new place so I can learn to lean on Him in a new way.

And I've arrived.  Now for the learning.  One thing that is definitely going to assist is the new book we've started in my Bible study, Crazy Love. 1 chapter and a few videos (that he directs you to in the book) in, I'm  super excited about this new journey.  I love God's timing and how I could never in a million years ever possibly line things up so perfectly.  More on that throughout the next couple of months, I'm sure!

For now, I wanted to share this video that I watched this am.  Seriously, take the 15 minutes to watch the entire thing.  Especially if you usually don't watch when I post something:)  I pray you will!  ...enjoy...

New Church Home

Hello!  Thought we'd give a little personal update on us, regarding our church home.  As many of you know, we were attending a church in Oakdale (RiverOak Grace) that we very much enjoyed being a part of.  We were a part of the Married's ministry and had a short stent at the info booth, during our 4 1/2 years of attending.

We loved every bit of it: the teaching, the people, the atmosphere...but since Emma came in to our lives it became a little more and more challenging to attend, as time went on.  We figured it was a stage and it'd get worked out.  Then one day I was thinking, "OK if it takes a couple of years to work it out, then we bring another baby in to our family...and on and on (because you know we're creating a baseball team here - JK!!), when will we get to be involved in our church community again?!".  I prayed about my feelings for about a month or so before sharing with Tyler how I was feeling.  When we sat to talk about it, it turned out we were both sharing the feelings of trying to build community in a community we didn't call home was extremely difficult.  And we only saw more and more obstacles as Emma (and other children) grow.

At that point, we began to pray together about it.  After about another month, we began to visit different churches in Turlock, since there are only about a hundred different ones :)  Eventually, we headed to New Life Christian Center where we immediately felt at ease and at home.  We can definitely see Emma growing in this community - there are so many kids there (of all ages).  We enjoy the teaching.  There are many ministries up and going - places we can just plug right in.  We've been placed in a Life Group that we completely fit in to and just love (even just 2 weeks in;0).  We can definitely see ourselves doing life with this neat group of people, and started to right away with opening up with right where we are in life now.

It's just slightly bigger than the church where we were (which we prefer smaller)...and after the Lord was taking me through different places of worship and seeing it from different angles, this past Sunday I had a worship experience I haven't had in about 10 years.  Amazing.  It just moved me and had me in tears.  Loved every minute of it.

Thought I'd share a link to this past week's sermon for anyone interested in checking it out, and hearing a great message!  click here to view.

If anyone that's local would like to attend with us - call me!

Thank you to everyone that joined us in prayer about finding where the Lord was leading us!

Emma Update

Well, it's been a little bit since I've talked about Emma, how dare I?! :)  Well, it's because she's doing so well!  (there's nothing to complain about!).  On January 3 she turned FIVE months...where has the time gone?!  (especially since that was 2 weeks ago now).  On that day, we went to Granny Lina's for coffee and to hang with the girls ;)  Emma loves to go over there...

She is sleeping and eating well, growing daily.  She loves to just play by herself.  Sometimes in her crib when she wakes up and I decide to finish something up before I go get her (and sometimes that causes her to take another little nap ;0) sometimes after we've played together for a bit...she's really good at entertaining herself, which I adore about her ;)  She's definitely aware of mommy and daddy when we're coming in and out of the room she's in.  She lights up when she sees us.  She LOVES attention.  Oh man does she.  If we're hanging out with others and not getting any, she starts to talk louder than our voices so we can look her way!.  


When we went out to run errands the other day, I saw her looking out the window just looking as we're driving by the houses.  Thursday we were sitting in the car in the rain and she just watched the rain drops  land on the window.  She's so great at observing...just taking it all in. 


We know all this stuff is 'normal' but it's new to us!  We're so thrilled that she's doing so well.  So, I've just been soaking it all up, spending lots of cuddle and play time with her.  Being amazed by how well she's growing and doing.  It just melts my heart to have her smile at me...sigh...can't wait for hugs and kisses!!


So there ya are, what Ms Emma Lou-Lou is up to.  Next up for her - SIX MONTH update and check-up!! :)

Emma dimple update

I know I had shared what the ultrasound technician commented - that Emma looked fine, but I did want to share that we heard from the Doctor this weekend, and got the official word that the dimple...is just a dimple :) Now ya know she has one and where!


Praise God for keeping her healthy!

Emma's 2 month check-up

Well, I'd love to get a poll of how much everyone think Emma weighs because she certainly weighed in more than what I was thinking!!  


Here are her stats: 

Head diameter: 14 1/2 inches

Height:  22 inches

Weight: 9 pounds 12 ounces

We had a great appointment.  Thanks to our great friend Lorrie that works for Kaiser, she helped us pick a WONDERFUL pediatrician (Dr Jovaid).  He's great at listening to us, talking to us and explaining things (he actually says 'do you understand).  So, we discussed Emma's spit up issues. His thoughts are: she's obviously getting fed to have gained this much weight, so it's most likely not any kind of reflux - he's thinking she just eats beyond her belly's limits :)  So, we're supposed to just try to stretch the time between feedings to make sure she's digested what she ate previously.  We shall see how well that works since today she's eating like crazy! :)

We also were able to talk about immunizations and making our own schedule.  Tyler did lots of homework, and thanks to all of Megan's info that she's shared with us, we just felt that we didn't want to put her on the 'normal' schedule of things.  I say 'we' but really Tyler did all the looking up and schedule creating, so yay him :)  

Here are a load of pics from yesterday!  We had dinner at Diana's so all the kiddos were together!

Jayce and Emma are 2 months a part :)

 'gwammy' was holding Emma, and Isaiah got jealous!  So she tried to juggle them :)

 Grandma and Jayce

 Tia Shurl and Jayce :)

Wrapping up week 3

So, time to try to post has just not been happening, so sorry! I will tell you now that I won't be posting anything else until the weekend at the soonest or early next week (just a heads up)...

This past week has been quite eventful! I guess everything will be from now on, right? :)

Emma was still a little fussy on and off, so one of the things we read about was putting her in a swing...it definitely has it moments when it works :) BUT, we don't want to let her get too used to falling asleep while being rocked, so we try not to put her in there too much.

we had our first stroller ride and walk with mom and dad! It was so nice to get out and just be in the fresh air :)

Ok, our little preemie is a little long for her special clothes! the sleeves are like 3/4 length, and her belly pops out :)

she's been spending more time with her eyes open, so here's a shot of her when we were hanging out one evening - and check out that belly!

in .1 seconds, we can see this face at any time!

then, 1 second later...

...and 1 second after that

on Friday, we headed out to the mall, and Emma had her first trip to a restaurant :) She was just passed out the whole time, so Tyler and I were able to enjoy lunch.

Saturday was a small friend shower (YAY a little girl time) here's Auntie Ginger feeding Emma

...and daddy playing with Emma, showing off her new dress she got at the mall for the occasion. She's just too cute!

Emma's first Sunday at church! Aunt Connie, she wore one of the dresses that you got fr her! :) I did add some pants just to make sure she didn't get too cold with the AC in the building.

afternoon nap with daddy

her 2 week check-up after her first 2 week check-up :)

She had such a great check-up today! She's gained 17 ounces since her last visit, and is now up to 6 pounds 7 ounces, and she's grown a half inch coming in at 19.75 inches. She did so well for the Dr and the nurse, we were so proud of her! Dr said she's growing so beautifully and everything looks great. Such great news. It made us feel like we have been doing a pretty good job with her since she's been home - yay us.

...how's everything going?! Well, we sure are two tired pups! But that's to be expected, so we definitely don't want to complain. Emma's starting to sleep a little longer at night, so that's been nice (getting an extra hour of sleep between feedings). I have occasional bouts of grumpiness when the tiredness sets in, and Tyler is so sweet, he just wants to do what he can to help - i wish there was something that he can do to help :) We are certainly enjoying our uninterrupted family time that we're being blessed with right now with Tyler being off. I can feel how much I'm going to miss him already (tear), but we're excited to fully enjoy this week - the last week he's home with us. If you could please pray for us as we move toward 'normalcy', making our own meals, cleaning the house on our own, and getting Tyler off to work every day. It's going to be a bit of a transition, and rough, I'm sure, but we know the Lord will get us through it!

Hope everyone had a great weekend, and has a great week! I'm sure that once Tyler goes back to work and I'm home solo I'll start to post more regularly ;)...until then!

Another week!

Well another week has flown by. We can NOT believe that Emma's been home for a whole week now. Last Tuesday, the day after she was released from the hospital, we had our 2 week check-up -how's that for 'following protocol'?! Was it really necessary to 'check-up' on Emma when she was in the hospital for just under 2 weeks? Oh too funny :) BUT, we did get her stats for that day:

Weight: 5 lbs, 9 oz

Length: 19 1/4 inches

How's Emma?

Doin' alright! She was on a pretty good 3 hour schedule from the hospital, and we've tried to stick to it with a little massaging here and there. Overall it's working for us. She did begin to get a little cranky and have some spit ups after every feeding. We've been trying to keep her upright more when she's eating and for a bit after feeding to try to help her out. Daddy also found some great helpful hints online that seem to be working for yesterday and today :) Something warm on her tummy. We're also having me try some different things to see if that helps her tummy or whatever is going on with her. Oh how much easier would it be if she could say 'OK mom, this is what's going on'...soon enough, I suppose, before she'll be talking our ears off.

She's eating well, growing longer and her belly is getting bigger too ;0. It's just such a treat to get to hug and kiss on her whenever we want.

How are ma and pa? (said in an accent like the beverly hill billies)

...gettin' used to the 2 hour sleep stretches at night. Actually, the last two nights we've been letting one of us sleep through a feeding, kinda (when Emma cooperates and isn't crying), so that's been nice. It's also great that Tyler's more of a night person and I'm more of a morning person, so he's more alert for the middle of the night and I'm more alert bright and early squirrely in the morning. We do tend to get frustrated or irritated a little easily, and I'm still a little on the over-emotional side...kinda hard to tame that when I am a pretty emotional person to begin with. But, it could be worse for both of us, and we know that compared to lots of stories we've heard from people, overall we have it pretty easy. And we're grateful for that :)

blah, blah, blah...on to what you're really looking for. Some more adorable pics of our daughter!!

disregard the rest of the mess on the table -but how 'bout that centerpiece?! :)

...little nap time with Popi

...and another nap with Teremama...

...and her three grandparents in awe of her beauty ;)

great-grandma Burton

...what neat (unintentional) lighting - and check out the belly!

Here's Emma with her nephew, Isaiah - CRAZY!!

...with Lita - Emma is Lita's 18th great-grand child

...and one of her adorable faces...

the pros with two kiddos of their own! ...and you guys have given us wonderful tips and advice THANKS, it's much appreciated!!

...and...my FAVORITE picture thus far...

it's blurry because it was about 4:45 AM and I didn't want to wake either one of them. Awww...

OK to calm everyone about Emma sleeping on the bed, it was one of her cranky spells and she goes right to bed next to me, so I laid her down next to me to try to get her to hold off on getting up until feeding time. So, I wasn't sleeping but the two of them were :)

Hope everyone had a great weekend! Until the next breather...have a great week as well.

Filling in the blanks...

So, some of you may be a little confused on what happened between posts. After our arrival to Kaiser, the 3rd shift nurse that Emma had talked to Tyler and I on Sunday about taking the feeding tube out and just seeing what she would do if we had her nipple every feeding. We were definitely in for that trial, so she spoke with the Dr and he ordered it out and said that if she ate an average of 40 mls per feeding on her own for a day, she could go home.

Tyler described it best when he said that it was like both of our jaws just dropped when we heard that. We just weren't expecting them to say she could come home with us so soon - but we were extremely excited to hear the news at the same time. So we prayed, yet tried not to get our hopes up too much (well, at least I tried not to get my hopes up too high) ...checked in on her after 2 feedings, and she did well...checked in on her Monday morning and the nurse said, "when would you like to take her home"...CRAZY!

So, we tried to get as much 'ready' for her as we could. Thanks to Tyler's great friend, Brian, we have somewhere for her to sleep...and now we're just working on building up our baby 'collection' in our home with things like bottles, bath time stuffs, etc...ya know some baby essentials that would be great for us to have around the house :)

Here are a few shots of her last day in the hospital, and her first evening at home.

'car seat challenge' - she had to sit in the car seat for an hour to make sure her levels would all remain, and of course she passed ;)

her last feeding at the hospital with daddy, while we watched a CPR video

we were so excited to see all the wires coming off

then it was time to get back in the car seat TO LEAVE!!

Emma and Daddy on the way out...

...and stretch time once we got home!!

...and we had a few visitors too. Grandma aka Teremama

Tia Ann, Jessica and Paige

so good to have her home at last!!!